Taygetan and "Swaruunian" Team Forum

akos996

Member

Ego death and the question of selfish love

Today I bought an amethyst crystal for myself to help me dream and help me in raising my frequency in general.
I thought it would be all fun and games, but I did not know what I signed up for:

For context in the recent past I've been holding off some of my bad habits and rejected temporary pleasures like videogames and such that have turned into a vicious circle in my life for a while. This is because I really want to be the best version of myself and I have better things to do.
It first started as a general elevated feeling and happiness. All the lovely sense I need.
It evolved into deep thoughts, questions but I still felt like nothing can hurt me.
Then I started to go through some of my video backlog and the topic of escaping the matrix came up. It was very moving.

So in this process of trying to understand myself, of who I am, emotions started to flow more and more.
I went through a pool of tears and emotional fits looking around my room gaining a sense of purposelessness.
All my toys, the pleasures I chase, the cigarettes and the non-stop selfish need to love certain people even if it would mean taking it from others started to hurt me
as I couldn't imagine myself without the love that I define for myself. I cannot take losing everything. For this short time I've torn away a lot of material needs on purpose except my need for love. But all I got was a big hole in my heart and nothing to fill it with.
It felt like the worst torture I have ever endured. I looked back and felt pathetic, I looked forward and felt a fear of loss or having to endure a life without someone to love.

How can people live without love? How can people take decades of loneliness or the sight of their love being taken by others? Does this happen in 3D only? Then the lines between true attachment and mere pleasure seeking blur to me so I even started questioning if my feelings are true even. My heart aches for sure.
I understand the beauty of missing something in life to reincarnate into the world of having that to really enjoy what you couldn't have before, but I fear the loss of ego, the sense of myself melting away that I wanted to be that person who can love not the next... What's this constant drive of mine to want what I cannot have?
When it comes to people it becomes even more painful since I understand that Joe is happy with Jane and I am Joe in my own other life where I integrated the lacking of someone but to me it feels unfair that I have to live a life where only I"ve got the short end of the stick. I guess I'm going through shadow work and it's beating me down single handedly.

Am I narcissistic to feel this way or what am I?
Please help me understand I am in great need.

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-02 17:13:54)

mitkobs

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

This is hard to advise because is a very sensitive and personal matter and people can easily get offended because love means a whole lot for almost anyone.

But first have to realize for yourself what love means to you. What means to be in love. Then, how much you are ready to compromise in order to be with someone else in a relationship. What do you want from the other person in this relationship and what you can give to them.

If you ask me, I already accepted this scenario of being alone and without a woman that will love me for who I am and I am living it without regrets and negative feelings. Spirituality helps a lot in this direction. If no one love me at the moment for who I am is not so important, what is important is I to be able to love.

akos996

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

I already accepted this scenario of being alone and without a woman that will love me for who I am and I am living it without regrets and negative feelings. Spirituality helps a lot in this direction.

I also lived periods of my life thinking there is no problem living alone, but I feel a brick wall that I hit that I'm missing out on a whole part of life and it tears me apart.
I've been surrounded by a lot of abuse and all I need is loving arms. I have accumulated so much that I keep indulging in pleasures to help me forget. It feels wrong. And I cannot take anyone. I might have too high standards but I can only gaze out the window with a feeling that I don't know where my twin flame is. To me practice is always better than theory. I've been theorising my whole life, living inside. I'm tired and exhausted.

But first have to realize for yourself what love means to you. What means to be in love. Then, how much you are ready to compromise in order to be with someone else in a relationship. What do you want from the other person in this relationship and what you can give to them.

As I mentioned I could be selfless with that one but I am super obsessive when it comes to positive feedbacks and cannot let go easily. For the better or worse.

Sorry for the low vibes. probably this "rock" tears up some unhealed wounds.
I hope this is just a transition period to something great and positive.
Edit: also got the news recently from my brother that he will leave the country... Damn things are never easy are they? haha

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-02 18:10:50)

mitkobs

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

Have to fill the free time with occupations if there is no relationship to fill time with. Nothing wrong with some pleasures in this sense. I cannot compromise with my integrity and with my personal needs. Love me the way I am or do not bother. Things are that visceral. Also with you becoming a loving person the need to be loved kind of goes away. When you do not have something become that something that you miss.

Last edited by mitkobs (2023-08-02 20:18:44)

Genoveva

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

People speak of love as if it's currency exchange - it has to be in certain parameters.

How about the love of the universe that gives us everything we choose to manifest? Isn't that love sufficient? Isn't it higher than Jane's love for Joe?

Joe doesn't meet Jane because Joe wants Jane to conform to a confined set of characteristics. However, Jane is infinitely more expanded than Joe's restricted field of observation. Will Joe see the forest, or does Joe stubbornly want to see the tree?

It can be also the other way around: Joe wants a forest, but he stumbles on a tree, again, and again.

In both situations, Jane is not exactly what Joe is looking for. Yet Joe invariably manifests what he is, not what he thinks he is, as Mari would say.

Is it fair for Joe to find a tree, when he is looking for a forest? Definitely not!
Why? Because the longing for the forest comes from Joe's intuition. It tells Joe: you can manifest a forest! That's why Joe doesn't see the tree that he manifested.

How does one manifest a forest instead of a tree? Glad you asked....

A tree is like only one tiny ray of colour from a whole rainbow spectrum, which would be the equivalent of a forest, in our example.

A forest has diversity, complexity, but most of all it has detachment. It transforms every moment. One tree dies, another takes its place. There are insects too, and some of them are even dangerous. Regardless of what occurs, overall the forest retains something unfathomable: beauty, effervescence, life.

If Joe wants a tree instead of the forest, and assuming that he learnt to see the tree from the forest, he may complain: oh, I wanted a cherry tree, and this one is an oak. It doesn't produce cherries, the leaves are weird, there are ants crawling all over the ground. And birds are nesting in it's crown! How dare they interact with MY tree?

People think that they can own love. Or that they can earn it. Yes, they will say that this is not true... but the expressions they use tell the truth. They are not in the business of loving the love itself. They are in the business of loving their twin flame.

What's wrong with loving the nature, the universe, the self? Isn't it still love? No, they don't perceive the love of something that loves them so much that it gives them everything, unconditionally. They want a specific being and nothing else will do.

What if you meet that specific being? Will you love her unconditionally? Maybe she's maried to someone else. Will you love the fact that she's in love, but not in love with you? Will your heart soar with fulfillment just because you saw her and she is everything that you wanted, and even more? Will you be content to resonate with the supernatural love that she has for another? Nope! Because, you see, it's not love that you want. You want her undivided attention, you want her to give some of her energy to you - be it time, attention, admiration, and... love,  but within the parameters that you designate. She is not free to love someone else just as much as she would love you, or to love someone else and to not love you at all.

It's painful to face these questions. But this is so because humans have been brainwashed for eons into looking at love as a contract - you give x, I give x; you give y, I give y.

Even the love of the universe is seen as a contract: you be good, and good things will come to you, and that's called karma. How about what swaruus and taygetans say? Karma is a self imposed limitation, a (erroneous) point of attention/of view. Because love dissolves a little thing like karma, and it transmutes it into wisdom. But when the being does not actually accept the superb cascade of love from the universe, then it means that they themselves don't know love.

Love is not the attention from Jane, Joe, or the twin flame. Love is every single particle in the universe. Joe and Jane are only the portal for learning what love really is, they modulate for each other an infinitesimal part of the energy of love. The real love is beyond Jane, Joe, etc.

If you step outside of the little square or circle that you draw around you and then call it love, you may face the grandeur of real love, which is infinite, eternal, unfathomable.

akos996

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

People speak of love as if it's currency exchange - it has to be in certain parameters.

How about the love of the universe that gives us everything we choose to manifest? Isn't that love sufficient? Isn't it higher than Jane's love for Joe?

Joe doesn't meet Jane because Joe wants Jane to conform to a confined set of characteristics. However, Jane is infinitely more expanded than Joe's restricted field of observation. Will Joe see the forest, or does Joe stubbornly want to see the tree?

It can be also the other way around: Joe wants a forest, but he stumbles on a tree, again, and again.

In both situations, Jane is not exactly what Joe is looking for. Yet Joe invariably manifests what he is, not what he thinks he is, as Mari would say.

Is it fair for Joe to find a tree, when he is looking for a forest? Definitely not!
Why? Because the longing for the forest comes from Joe's intuition. It tells Joe: you can manifest a forest! That's why Joe doesn't see the tree that he manifested.

How does one manifest a forest instead of a tree? Glad you asked....

A tree is like only one tiny ray of colour from a whole rainbow spectrum, which would be the equivalent of a forest, in our example.

A forest has diversity, complexity, but most of all it has detachment. It transforms every moment. One tree dies, another takes its place. There are insects too, and some of them are even dangerous. Regardless of what occurs, overall the forest retains something unfathomable: beauty, effervescence, life.

If Joe wants a tree instead of the forest, and assuming that he learnt to see the tree from the forest, he may complain: oh, I wanted a cherry tree, and this one is an oak. It doesn't produce cherries, the leaves are weird, there are ants crawling all over the ground. And birds are nesting in it's crown! How dare they interact with MY tree?

People think that they can own love. Or that they can earn it. Yes, they will say that this is not true... but the expressions they use tell the truth. They are not in the business of loving the love itself. They are in the business of loving their twin flame.

What's wrong with loving the nature, the universe, the self? Isn't it still love? No, they don't perceive the love of something that loves them so much that it gives them everything, unconditionally. They want a specific being and nothing else will do.

What if you meet that specific being? Will you love her unconditionally? Maybe she's maried to someone else. Will you love the fact that she's in love, but not in love with you? Will your heart soar with fulfillment just because you saw her and she is everything that you wanted, and even more? Will you be content to resonate with the supernatural love that she has for another? Nope! Because, you see, it's not love that you want. You want her undivided attention, you want her to give some of her energy to you - be it time, attention, admiration, and... love,  but within the parameters that you designate. She is not free to love someone else just as much as she would love you, or to love someone else and to not love you at all.

It's painful to face these questions. But this is so because humans have been brainwashed for eons into looking at love as a contract - you give x, I give x; you give y, I give y.

Even the love of the universe is seen as a contract: you be good, and good things will come to you, and that's called karma. How about what swaruus and taygetans say? Karma is a self imposed limitation, a (erroneous) point of attention/of view. Because love dissolves a little thing like karma, and it transmutes it into wisdom. But when the being does not actually accept the superb cascade of love from the universe, then it means that they themselves don't know love.

Love is not the attention from Jane, Joe, or the twin flame. Love is every single particle in the universe. Joe and Jane are only the portal for learning what love really is, they modulate for each other an infinitesimal part of the energy of love. The real love is beyond Jane, Joe, etc.

If you step outside of the little square or circle that you draw around you and then call it love, you may face the grandeur of real love, which is infinite, eternal, unfathomable.

I've never heard such a concise and clear guidance that I needed to hear before. Thank you.
I feel like my whining is very childish (but genuine of course) coming from a lack mentality as usual.
I will try my best to see that full forest and have an open mind when it comes to love. I will try to appreciate someone who loves me for "me" instead of redefining my own where my needs have to be met when in fact that it barely reaches what it could be. I'm very inexperienced or at least one of my jobs is to relearn things from a blank slate.

I have to go through this guidance a lot of times to fully grasp it and learn to let go of my restricted mindset that can only disappoint me thus possibly others too.

I see some paths. I could settle for the tree and look for it and shape myself in accordance or strive to see the forest later which entails more struggle to go through.
I definitely need to re-evaluate my definition of love as you've mentioned it's not a contract to sign. I know I will get new appreciation for it with time.

I'm sorry you all have to observe my ugly stage in transformation. It's shameful and full of illusions. Being human is really restrictive in the way I'm (in)capable of understanding. There is an awful amount of things learnt through Pavlovian reflexes, and many other deep rooted things I have to shed off before I can even start to grasp a single Hertz from that rainbow of colors. It's easy to see through a keyhole but hard to open the door. I mean the famous Cave allegory of Plato. I will try my best. But of course I don't want to downplay the potential in me or anyone else I'm sure nothing is impossible.

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-02 22:44:05)

akos996

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

Hey there akos996,

I noticed you were advised by mitkobs to compromise in a relationship (or at least insinuating that there might be a need to do this) and had to speak up, because that is a poor idea and a sure path to self sacrifice in any relationship you get into. Check out these videos by Teal in regards to preparing yourself for a healthy relationship, her advice is very sound and beneficial for a healthy and stable choice

Creating the Right Relationship, What People Think vs. Reality:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9VWAdm … c2hpcHM%3D

Why Compatibility in a Relationship is Not Sameness:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wdn82Ue … c2hpcHM%3D

The Truth About Attraction:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMtBFCa … c2hpcHM%3D

Be Consciously Transactional, Why Every Relationship is a Transaction:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRWKNtb … c2hpcHM%3D

Compromise or Compatibility:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VSwx-B … c2hpcHM%3D

Why you Should Never Make Compromises in a Relationship:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IINpgm8VsGI

Self Sacrifice, the Most Self Centered Thing in the World:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-czlvly-KjQ

Anyway, those are some top videos on relationships and getting into one, WITHOUT the need or default of compromising

Thank you for the awesome video suggestions. Already watched some and do see some of my issues. I am willing to change.

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-02 22:16:18)

mitkobs

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

@Ivy for some things in a relationship you have to compromise and make concessions or simply you will not agree with each other, then the relationship may turn into a power struggle. And with that love and respect may disappear. For other things that makes you who you are you cannot compromise and is either accept each other for being ourselves or separation.

In LOVE we have to learn/remember from the best - Source. Source have unconditional love for everyone and everything, everything else is simply not LOVE. Many things we think are LOVE but they are not. Learn from the best, never settle for anything less.

Last edited by mitkobs (2023-08-03 03:53:59)

mitkobs

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

That is why I said learn from the best. How Source can love unconditionally everything and in the same time never compromise for being Source because that is what is happening, that is the ultimate reality. How Source can love for example the lowest of the low, a hell being, when they are working against Source with all their dedication and hate. You have to be able to compromise with little things and let them be. But if they cross some lines that makes you who you are then you cannot compromise with them anymore.

Last edited by mitkobs (2023-08-03 05:03:53)

mitkobs

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

Everyone can love those who love them back, but only the great are able to love without being loved in return. Source is the greatest example. How we can repay the Sun for what is giving to us for example here on this planet. Is not possible to pay back in million years.

Last edited by mitkobs (2023-08-03 05:12:24)

akos996

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

@Ivy_of_Erra @mitkobs
I do understand both of your ideas and I have to say that my father is an example of self sacrifice since let's be honest my father is a giver and my mother is a taker. He gives gives and gives and I see him drained a lot of times. My mom is completely unaware how much he cares for her even though their love is not expressed in obvious ways anymore as it faded between them a long time ago. She still is the princess she was raised as. It is very painful to describe but she is very emotional and I see her suffering all day every day but the amount of pain and suffering this incompatibility gave to our family is unfathomable by some. And they still are together with me since they cannot separate themselves because of the fear that my mom could not take it. For some this may look like unconditional love but let me assure you this is HELL. I've seen fights, blood, delusions, madness, depression, drug abuse, even literal demonic posession ongoing for long periods in my mothers life that almost ended it all for us and a lot of self sacrifice to keep a vicious circle going to this day. I hate myself for not being able to love my mother anymore. She has become a black hole to me. I do and I love everyone for being for me but I feel like my ability of express it openly has suffered a huge blow. I see two shells of a being and karmic attachments.

I'm sorry for this awful thing I've shared but this had to be said as I've lived through it.

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-03 06:14:38)

mitkobs

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

From one perspective unconditional love seems like sacrifice but that perspective comes from the lack mentality that we are so accustomed in this reality. How you can sacrifice yourself when sacrifice is not possible from higher perspective. What you are sacrificing exactly. What We Are cannot be sacrificed ever. What We Are is infinite light-abundance that can give and give forever and will never be empty or losing something from ITS integrity. Again look the Sun, how Sun can sacrifice, is not possible, because Sun is infinite in abundance. What we experience down here with this human vessel is to be limited and lacking but that is not what We Are.

Ivy it seems that you also try to define Source by your own measures by saying that is not all knowing and is not a separate or entity. Source is both, all opposites and even impossible combinations of everything. Source is the God and in the same time is not. Source is you or me and is not. This contradictory info is where misunderstanding about Source starting to happen. No one can define Source completely but we can pick up some trades of qualities from ITS greatness. We are one and in the same time we are not.

Last edited by mitkobs (2023-08-03 06:35:45)

mitkobs

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

Want to go deep why Source seems like something unfathomable for our current mind configuration. It is very simple, we are ego-personality that is looking from its ego POV, it defends its own interests, it goes for its own impulses and desires and currently is living in a mad place where huge madness is accepted as something normal. We are living in a mad house of a reality, a hostile environment for these fragile little bodies that we use as avatars. How things can be explained about Source concisely when IT IS completely another reality where all is abundant and secure, all is in order, all is beautiful and perfect, all works the best way and is not bugged and stopped by anything else. You have to go deep within yourself to feel this and start to form your ideas from such "place" in order to start understanding your true Self.

mitkobs

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

Ivy, I'm sorry to say this but that is how the cabal new age sees Source and is very convenient for them. This way of seeing it is narcissistic self centered materialistic satanic way. They say there is no god and with that they allow to themselves to do anything even the most disgusting and heinous. They can kill babies in their sleep without remorse and consequences and all will be fine for them because there is no one to punish them in afterlife. But is not like that. They are self damning to hellish experiences with such way of godless seeing the world. I said this before here will say it again - how you see Source is how will going to experience life as living and in more dramatic way as dead-spirit.

Last edited by mitkobs (2023-08-03 17:38:31)

mitkobs

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

Source cannot be diminished to something lacking power, boring, figurative like a nothingness. Source is lighting billion suns and turning endless planets full with vibrant diverse life and the little human on a forsaken planet dare to say it is nothing.

Last edited by mitkobs (2023-08-03 17:46:23)

Jupiter 9

Moderator

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

@Ivy_of_Erra @mitkobs
I do understand both of your ideas and I have to say that my father is an example of self sacrifice since let's be honest my father is a giver and my mother is a taker. He gives gives and gives and I see him drained a lot of times. My mom is completely unaware how much he cares for her even though their love is not expressed in obvious ways anymore as it faded between them a long time ago. She still is the princess she was raised as. It is very painful to describe but she is very emotional and I see her suffering all day every day but the amount of pain and suffering this incompatibility gave to our family is unfathomable by some. And they still are together with me since they cannot separate themselves because of the fear that my mom could not take it. For some this may look like unconditional love but let me assure you this is HELL. I've seen fights, blood, delusions, madness, depression, drug abuse, even literal demonic posession ongoing for long periods in my mothers life that almost ended it all for us and a lot of self sacrifice to keep a vicious circle going to this day. I hate myself for not being able to love my mother anymore. She has become a black hole to me. I do and I love everyone for being for me but I feel like my ability of express it openly has suffered a huge blow. I see two shells of a being and karmic attachments.

I'm sorry for this awful thing I've shared but this had to be said as I've lived through it.

Hi akos, I too come from a beautiful very dysfunctional family and can relate to what you are saying here. And we are not alone, there are many starseeds/lightworkers/advanced souls that choose to incarnate in difficult families to help that lineage even with simply our presense and vibration.

I don't know how relevant or helpful this may be to you personally but adding to what everyone else has shared, I wanna share a perspective that may or may not be useful to you.

And the perspective is that it may be helpful to think of yourself as a single unit of consciousness you call by your name, but that single unit of consciousness is the sum of many smaller units of consciousness or many smaller parts of you. So in a way you can see yourself as a single forest unit you call by your name, but that forest is an ecosystem of a lot of smaller parts.

And as I said I don't know if this will work for you but this has helped me the times I remember to look at it this way, so when I am depressed or going through something very difficult, it has been helpful to me to remember that it's not all of me that is depressed or going through something difficult, but only a part of me, and I am much vaster than that part that is depressed or going through something difficult. And this can immedietly lighten things up a bit because now it's like I am only part depressed or only part of me is going through that difficult thing and not all of me, and that immedietly feels a bit lighter and less heavy.

And if I look at it this way then that means that only one of my "trees"/parts is going through that and not all of me the "forest" is going through that, and I am not only that tree/part, so that means that I the "forest" that is the sum of all my "trees"/parts, can be the one that helps one of my "trees"/parts that is going through something difficult. So that means that even if I don't have other people to turn to and rely on in my life, I can always change my perspective and look at the situation this way, and therefore now "zoom out" and it's only a part/tree that has this issue, and now I am much vaster and bigger than that tree/part and I can look at things from a higher perspective and angle, and can be the one that helps this part of me that is going through something difficult.

And daydreaming or imagination but I prefer the term daydreaming, is a superpower tool that I naturally have used all my life as second nature, without realizing how big of a superpower it really is. And you can use this tool to daydream and imagine a better version of yourself that is not going through what you are going through currently helping you. And by daydreaming doing that you naturally start shifting into that higher vibration of the other version of you that you imagine that it is not going through what you are currently going through.

And another way I sometimes naturally deal with difficult situations is I daydream that it's the love of my life and woman of my dreams, going through what I am going through, and then I naturally immedietly feel compassion and love for her and I know what to do to assist her and help her and be there for her and daydream doing that and by doing that my vibration naturally starts shifting and getting closer to that version I am in my daydream, and now that becomes my vibration, and this gets me into a better more high frequency state, and that gets me out of the heavy mood into a lighter mood. And so now that I am out of that heavy vibration and in lighter vibration I am in a better state and it's easier to start accesing solutions and ways I can deal with the difficult situation. Only very advanced masters can bring material things from the imagination into their physical reality, but it's not that hard to bring a feeling state and vibration from a daydream self into your current self.  

And again I don't know how relevant or helpful this may be to you personally but maybe check out this video from Mari if you haven't already. This alter ego tool can be a incredibly useful and supercool technique. And it's related and a similar tool to what I am talking about above. You can create a new superversion of yourself from scratch and you can always daydream and try to imagine how that new best superversion of yourself would deal with this difficult situation and then take the actions that s/he would take.

Anyway, I hope this will be helpful to you or someone else reading this.

Alter Egos, and how they can help us cope with our daily life. (English)

Last edited by Jupiter 9 (2023-08-03 22:39:53)

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"If you do feel pulled in, to save, protect, others, I would suggest to examine the energy of the “guardian” instead. Not the weaponized guardian, but the guardian like an impenetrable wall energy. No consequences to who tries to trespass, just an impossibility of getting through." - Inelia

Genoveva

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

@akos996 it seems to me that you have been paired with your mother for a very deep reason, and until you learn to love her, you may not find the love that you seek.

I would like to have a word with the smartasses who guide us into choosing a particular incarnation. I mean, why use the suffering since there are ways to learn without taking a beating? Honestly!

If you do not resolve the issue with your mother, you will attract the same type of relationships again and again. It would definitely come in different packages, but eventually you'll discover that every time it resembles the relationship with your mother. It's unfair to waste a lifetime trying to resolve these issues through relationships with other potential partners - unfair for you, but also unfair for the people who are on the journey with you. Yes, they too would match the resonance, otherwise they wouldn't choose the relationship, so don't worry about them not deserving the relationship.

It's easier to use metaphors, as this way you can apply your own thinking patterns, without being influenced by others, and you could make connections based on your unique experience.

Not metaphorically speaking, you are part of that family for a mathematically precise reason. I don't know how the oversoul calculates these formulas, but they somehow get it right, every single time. In the end, you do learn what you are supposed to learn and you do become a more beautiful being. So, why repeat the experience in different packages, since you are thrown in that situation already since birth? As it's family, you are in a safe setting already - meaning that your parents agreed to it, in order to show you something, to create the conditions for you to learn.

Also, you are not in a position to decide who is the better parent. The moment you put a label on someone, you consent to accumulate evil frequencies in your energy field. Just look at the society for a bit - do they resolve anything by putting labels on each other? Black vs white, jew versus christian, starseeds versus cabal... ok, aren't we grand? We are starseeds and "they" are cabal. And? What did we resolve with that? Do these labels offer a solution? Does it make them less evil, and does it make us efficient? No! It's because of an old saying: divide et impera ==> divisivenness leads to weakness. Therefore, to be strong, we need to accept and to transmute.

You must learn to transcend the relationship with both parents, and to detach from their pulling you into their dynamic. I'm using the word "dynamic", because the first rule is to stop judging, to stop putting labels.

When you don't have the knowledge about how to exorcise evil (usually this occurs because we can't see the bigger picture - by design), a good rule of thumb is to do the opposite. The reasoning is very simple: doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results is the very definition of madness. So, the solution is to do the opposite.

You need a reason to love your mother, which is the opposite of not loving her. Right? Did you see one of those comedy scenes where a big guy puts their hand on a small guy's head who is trying to punch him? That's what you can do too with anyone who is trying to pull you down in their drama - you detach yourself from the situation, and let them blow as much steam as they want. Thank them for showing you their action, intentions, or whatever, and choose to do your own action which does not resonate with their action. This way you affirm your sovereignty, and you cultivate your own beneficial energy. You'll notice that by consciously choosing not to resonate, you'll charge your batteries, and if you match their resonance then you'll notice that you are drained of energy.

Let's look at possible reasons to stop judging your mother. When she was a little girl, did she think: I'll grow up and I'll make everyone miserable? No! Something triggered her choices in life. The first achievement would be to see her for what she represents: the divine feminine. That seed of divine feminine exists in her. All the manifestations that you don't like in her, give you the chance to learn how to forgive.

Resonating with the energy of forgiveness is the shortest way possible to raise a shield of such strength around you that will cut off all possible karmic links with parasites. Forgiveness does not mean to turn the other cheek. It means to emanate a field of love so strongly around you, that it becomes palpable. See what you accomplished with this? You give your mind a task, and the mind loves such challenges. Instead of resonating with the absurdity of the drama, it will do what it's designed to do: to materialise. The universe loves collaborating with the mind, and together they will materialise your intention. Therefore, forgiveness is pure, unconditional and boundless love. Love for the sake of love, not for the sake of someone or something.

Maybe that's what your father does, too, if he grasped the meaning of detachment. If not, then he does it out of love for you, for his self, or whatever motivates him. He understood that it's pointless to run from problems. Or, he's got this agreement,  for whatever reason, to facilitate this learning for you.

The worst thing you can do if you manage to learn your lesson is to fall into the temptation to direct the love that you manifest to someone in particular. No, love is like a perfume - whomever perceives it, so be it. But it's not your business to shove the divine fragrance in their nose. Love, just is, and it's infinite. Same as a perfume, if someone can perceive it or not, it will not diminish it, it will not change it.

A perfume is a resonance, isn't it? Let's assume that we are talking about a perfume that it's produced by your glands (this is actually a real thing - some people do emanate pleasant fragrances through the skin). If this is difficult for the mind to accept, then replace the word perfume with beauty. Yes, this would be the perfect notion for the mind's benefit to grasp: will a beautiful being cease to be beautiful when fauci opens his mouth to spew out the ridiculous lies and propaganda?

Beauty wins wars, if you think about it. Forgiveness does the same thing. Beauty and forgiveness have one attribute in comon: detachment. So, yeah, beauty is the easiest way for the mind to understand what purity means, from the perspective of any energy: it does not depend on attachments, and it's self-perpetuating. Love for the sake of love, forgiveness for the sake of forgiveness, and so on.

I hope these few scattered ideas will help. And no, you don't need to respond to the post out of politeness because I spent time writing - just test what resonates with you, and discard the rest. This matrix is what it is because of false authority. It's time to affirm our truth, in order to expose the tiny naked emperor.

There is a book by Hew Len and j.vitale  "zero limits" and although they speak about forgiveness, it may be helpful to replace this word with beauty. In a beautiful way, (pun intended), their writings will still make sense after swaping the forgiveness with "beauty" or with "love". I guess this is because the mechanism is the same for any energy (which is in fact a band of frequency), regardless of what this energy (/attribute) may be called: it's a recipe for detachment, and for applying the energy for the sake of its own frequency.

mitkobs

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

I will tell this only once for those that are new here and who can understand and assimilate. You cannot go without Source. We cannot live without Source. Source is the only God if someone or something can have such naming and title. Supreme being, the ultimate force, Absolute, perfect in every way, of course is all knowing and all capable. How could be any other way. Our stupidity or limited state of being in this reality is not a measure and compare of how Source IS. Because I am limited here do not mean that Source is limited and that Source is only me. Not at all. Source cannot be changed or moved by absolutely nothing. It can be countless life forms, big, small, doing all kind of functions, but in the core stays totally integrated, whole and true.

Also in the darkness you need the light to guide you back to safety. Try to deny this guiding light and see what is going to happen to you, you will be lost in that darkness for no one knows how long. And you will see what is a hard living. We need examples and guiding light to get back to our integral Self. If you want to be free fool, no one can stop you and will not stop you, go ahead.

Last edited by mitkobs (2023-08-04 05:36:03)

akos996

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

Anyway, I hope this will be helpful to you or someone else reading this.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/qQ4_i2Y59mI/hqdefault.jpg

Alter Egos, and how they can help us cope with our daily life. (English)

I have watched this a billlion times but still need so much shadow work it breaks me. I am on vacation now and I've been crying for days from all the emotional fight I'm doing deep down. But it helps me. I will emerge from this refreshed. I wish it was easier.

There is a book by Hew Len and j.vitale  "zero limits" and although they speak about forgiveness, it may be helpful to replace this word with beauty. In a beautiful way, (pun intended), their writings will still make sense after swaping the forgiveness with "beauty" or with "love". I guess this is because the mechanism is the same for any energy (which is in fact a band of frequency), regardless of what this energy (/attribute) may be called: it's a recipe for detachment, and for applying the energy for the sake of its own frequency.

Thank you. Will read it.

I would like to have a word with the smartasses who guide us into choosing a particular incarnation. I mean, why use the suffering since there are ways to learn without taking a beating? Honestly!

Yeah I know. I'm pretty sure my guide(s)  is/are quite cruel but I'm sure it's in the best intention for my own good. It's my "drama" after all. Let's hope for a happy ending in this story.

The worst thing you can do if you manage to learn your lesson is to fall into the temptation to direct the love that you manifest to someone in particular. No, love is like a perfume - whomever perceives it, so be it. But it's not your business to shove the divine fragrance in their nose. Love, just is, and it's infinite. Same as a perfume, if someone can perceive it or not, it will not diminish it, it will not change it.

I understand that spraying a bottle of perfume directly in the nose is unpleasant for all, even a weak fragrance could be for some.

For example if I daydream of someone am I doing bad even if I am that "super" version of myself? Do I affect them in a negative way? Am I the troll in the closet for those, a nuisance to get rid of?

All selfish love I've been talking about has been in my mind. Not current real relationships I want to break to get in the way. Or at least I do not know if I would. Just Platonic, just feelings I like to harbour because it helps me go forward in life. I would be poor without it as I cannot replace it easily. I do not have much. The "this me" and "next me" is just my mind going on if I should strive this life or give up in the hope that the feeling is about another incarnation I strive for in that place, that I would appreciate much more with this backstory I am creating right now. It's just some deep knowing of me that I cannot shake off.

Maybe only I see what I see, the beauty/love in my suffering that the way we all try to see everything through the big lense, I see myself as the strand of root that goes miles and miles towards water. This is my personal goal even if it is not very big. I will try a million incarnations later when I've changed so much I do not even recognize my old self then we come to the "old me" "new me" thing that in this lense feels bad for me that I do not recognize myself. And back to the directed love: if I convey this infinity to someone personally, this endless strive to the light / them is that bad? I see my errors that I am the beam of light from the whole star that is also me but cannot I enjoy being that ray of light? This is not a unidirectionally shining star, but beaming rays, but cannot things be sometimes personal in this world? Why does this have to be so against everything and cross so many lines? It's just a call. It may still stem from negative past talking through me, a view that comes from wounds or projection, brainwashing, whatever you might call it. But I see a beauty in this also. Damn I really should raise my vibes.
As an extreme example, we humans are not worthy of Swaruus love in this sense since we are not compatible in worldview or pretty much anything at all.

I know that the way I experience love is restricted but why should I trample on the flower in the thought that it is not good enough? Isn't it pleasant to feel a beam of love shining on you or whoever?
And on this note I would like to ask with this context is it better to let go? I cannot go on a wrong path. I am on a razors edge right now. I cannot just tear it out of me as a solution as it will drive me down a bad path. I have to be gentle with my soul as I can only take so much in this lifetime. I cannot just give in and bury it.
I don't know why but my heart just doesn't let me go and I cannot decode my intuition what it tries to tell me with all this. Probably much more than this gibberish.

There is a whole planet fighting in me, crying out for freedom, the way I am also not appreciated in this Universe by some. It conveys me that and me giving in is a whole world giving in.

As beauty is in the eyes of the beholder I have no right to force myself, only to bloom in the hope that I turn into something that is. Correct? It's back to frequency compatibility.

I have worked a lot on integrating my family past and I see things in a much more positive way, how my mom was essential to making me who I am: a highly emotional being that cares and considers things deeply.

I have lost what I've written for 3 hours because I was logged out, so I think I get your comment to not bother replying. Whatever I still tried. This is just my memory trying to rephrase a much longer and more beautiful thing I worked on. My mind is blanking as I'm fighting my tears trying to gather my words again. It just looks like a dumb parody of my real thoughts. This was very important to me. My life path depends on this honestly. At least it's more direct and honest. I am very unsatisfied with it as it barely says what I want to.
Edit: It's fine if you just quote something you've already said. No worries. I may have missed the whole point or maybe I am on the path to understand way more and this is just the start. I really am trying to adapt your views to see more but I keep falling down. And again I might be bothersome with this stubbornness but I really do care and my words and thoughts might seem gibberish for most... but whatever. This negaitve view is surely just temporal and it will fade but I want to learn and I really want to exit this negative mindset. As my mood brightens probably all this will fade so I can focus on my mission down here. I am a broken record I know. As Za'el has said: Truth tends to fall on it's own for those who seek it. Even if it is disappointing. Again. Thank you. I'm pretty sure that book holds a secret to this

Another extension:
I've gone through all the comments and thank you all. I'm mixing things up and putting the feeling of wanting and to be wanted as many of you have mentioned as "love" and unconditional love is corrupted in my mind. I will look further into all this. Tail Swan really has some good words to say and you all do too. All these damn words and labels. Conditional and unconditional love and all that. I see the need of compatibility and that everyone has different conditions which comes with pressure depending on the amount of change needed. But now things have mixed up... Our sense or my sense of unconditional love is deeply corrupted. There is so much subconscious stuff I see unnoticed. As you have all said I should become what I want to love.

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-05 19:00:09)

Bucegi

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

i go a long way without even actually reading your stuff here @Akos and tell you some things from my experience

firstly listen to Jupiter and his recommended video, it's GREAT advice from above and i am sure it will work pretty well for you

the thing with Ego is that i do not see it as something naturally occuring
this is not to declare that selfishness/narcissism/whatever doesn't exist as per choice of the individual
but the ego specifically i do not see as natural and that is because, in Carl Gustav Jung Words, i see the Ego as the result of the destruction of the I
Yahzi once talked about the great problems psycheledics and other drugs can cause in the individual and from my own experience this is the most common effect when the I get's destroyed rather harshly (i do have a problem with these "enlightening" drugs as well as i do have with new age and it's ideologies) and when the I gets such a hard hit the ego is the resulting coping mechanism
Psychedelic Hippies on instagram did put that good into words with their ironic jokes and memes that they are the ones with the smalles egos (implying that they have the biggest ones now)
well, the thing is, i do not see the ego as a problem but as a symptom of a problem and that's why i recommend to focus on yourself, your I, and build yourself up, and get to know yourself and act accordingly
and that is not in the slightest bit selfish to love yourself like that in my opinion
have a nice day

Bucegi

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

a good book i can recommend you to read is

The Relations between the I and the Subconscious / Carl Gustav Jung

as well as

Transsylvanian Sunrise / Radu Cinamar

akos996

Member

Re: Ego death and the question of selfish love

Funny as it is, I did promise to read a book already in this thread and @Bucegi thank you for this other recommendation.
Interesting way to put psychedelics. I did use them a couple years ago and yes it seriously hurt me for a year to come after that. I almost was begging to be locked into a psych ward as my mind got "attacked" for a good period.
I really like Carl Jung's way of thinking and will definitely resonate with my inner whatevers that are there asking me to integrate them.
But bold of you all to ask me to read a book haha. Maybe it's really time for a change since I'm trying to give up bad habits and I'm really in need of a replacement. How stupid of me.

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-06 21:29:11)