I am making this topic in a state of desparation

akos996 · 2023-08-13 17:42:46

Beware that these words are negative as I am feeling very depressed at the moment.
If you don't want to be affected then just ignore.

Things are really laying in pieces in my life at the moment.

I do have my happy times with joy and all but today I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything that surrounds me except some of my hopes.
I have no friends and have a close family that mostly brings distress in my life. My mom is beyong help, my brother is a narcissist druggie who smokes weed all day and cannot behave when drunk.
My sister left the household because of the abuse and doesn't even see that I am suffering here as I am positive around everyone. I told her yesterday and she said I do not get it.
My mom has been the worst nightmare as she has been working hard since my birth to completely destroy the family and now after everything is dysfunctinal she just turned into a depressed drunkard/smoker bringing me down every time I interact with her, in the delusion that my father caused all this meanwhile she spend all our savings on tobacco and beer which boils my blood as he is a saint and never did anything wrong. She just keeps commanding, demanding and so on.
My mom was completely posessed by demons and I openly told my father what we are dealing with and surprisingly the acts of aggressions slowly started to fade from her.

The feedback of negative experiences is getting overwhelming and the repetition of the same things over and over again is really exhausting.
Even this weekend started like "let me enjoy these two days in piece and quiet" then my mom of course starts
drinking, falls and breaks the kettle I bought with my father 2 weeks ago in good faith so my mom could make tea easier. Yet another day of misery reminding me of this crap.
I am trying to help myself and my brother keeps asking me to play the stress and adrenaline rush causing battle royale game, asks me to play XYZ games and I cannot admit that I have no wish to dedicate more time to videogames anymore... He asks me to watch movies/series with him which would is fine but he keeps smoking weed which I passively inhale causing me to go into a numb / low state that I do not enjoy.

There are also the personal problems that I've been struggling with for more than a decade and causes me a great deal of shame and puts a stick in the cogwheels of my sexuality. Now I do not enjoy that either as others could.

Also I was inocculated at my mothers wish even though I knew about the things involved with the "C19" and the graphene etc... I chose Synopharm as it had no known side effects but the fear still lingers that I sealed my fate there...
I have zero care about my work and keep doing the least in the hope that I'll get fired and surprisingly nothing happened.
I keep asking myself if I really should try and go on or just put an end to my suffering. I want to break my contracts and not go back to repeat them again and again. This is not living. This is too much. Being bipolar is absolutely not fun.

I've been giving all my energy away every day in the hope that my mom at least has a positive turn but I am left drained completely with no change in sight.

I've heard before from Dolores Cannon that it is not worth quitting as I would have to repeat the same deal maybe even harder than before.
This is so unfair. I have fought so hard to bring positivity to my family, I remember my child self clearly how much happiness I've brought to everyone and I am really doing my best
and I really feel guilty for writing these words down as it doesn't reflect my true self, who I really am.
I wanted and still want to invent things for the betterment of Earth and I still hold my notes close to my heart as I know they work. I get so much resistance to achieve my goels and I know they are at almost arms reach. I keep failing to change. They keep me failing to change. I want to break my habits. I want to be my best self, I want to break free. My heart is in the right place. So this is the dilemma.
There better be a good reason for this life contract. I walkad a razors edge my whole life and I am surprised I have so much to drive me forward still.
At this point all I want is death or extraction from the vicious circle. I keep being brought down to these bad freuencies. Everyone around me is here to suck me empty of my good feelings and good will.
So here to all the Taygetan crew: I failed you.

I have no idea what I am wishing to receive here other than some kind words. Maybe someone who remembers some past lives?
Generally you all are very positive and have a good view on things.

Edit: Whoever reads this in a similar feeling: I feel you. You are not alone.

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-13 18:52:35)

Horton HaW · 2023-08-13 20:16:00

akos996 wrote:

Beware that these words are negative as I am feeling very depressed at the moment.
If you don't want to be affected then just ignore.
Things are really laying in pieces in my life at the moment.
I do have my happy times with joy and all but today I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything that surrounds me except some of my hopes.
I have no friends and have a close family that mostly brings distress in my life. My mom is beyong help, my brother is a narcissist druggie who smokes weed all day and cannot behave when drunk.
My sister left the household because of the abuse and doesn't even see that I am suffering here as I am positive around everyone. I told her yesterday and she said I do not get it.
My mom has been the worst nightmare as she has been working hard since my birth to completely destroy the family and now after everything is dysfunctinal she just turned into a depressed drunkard/smoker bringing me down every time I interact with her, in the delusion that my father caused all this meanwhile she spend all our savings on tobacco and beer which boils my blood as he is a saint and never did anything wrong. She just keeps commanding, demanding and so on.
My mom was completely posessed by demons and I openly told my father what we are dealing with and surprisingly the acts of aggressions slowly started to fade from her.
The feedback of negative experiences is getting overwhelming and the repetition of the same things over and over again is really exhausting.
Even this weekend started like "let me enjoy these two days in piece and quiet" then my mom of course starts
drinking, falls and breaks the kettle I bought with my father 2 weeks ago in good faith so my mom could make tea easier. Yet another day of misery reminding me of this crap.
I am trying to help myself and my brother keeps asking me to play the stress and adrenaline rush causing battle royale game, asks me to play XYZ games and I cannot admit that I have no wish to dedicate more time to videogames anymore... He asks me to watch movies/series with him which would is fine but he keeps smoking weed which I passively inhale causing me to go into a numb / low state that I do not enjoy.
There are also the personal problems that I've been struggling with for more than a decade and causes me a great deal of shame and puts a stick in the cogwheels of my sexuality. Now I do not enjoy that either as others could.
Also I was inocculated at my mothers wish even though I knew about the things involved with the "C19" and the graphene etc... I chose Synopharm as it had no known side effects but the fear still lingers that I sealed my fate there...
I have zero care about my work and keep doing the least in the hope that I'll get fired and surprisingly nothing happened.
I keep asking myself if I really should try and go on or just put an end to my suffering. I want to break my contracts and not go back to repeat them again and again. This is not living. This is too much. Being bipolar is absolutely not fun.
I've been giving all my energy away every day in the hope that my mom at least has a positive turn but I am left drained completely with no change in sight.
I've heard before from Dolores Cannon that it is not worth quitting as I would have to repeat the same deal maybe even harder than before.
This is so unfair. I have fought so hard to bring positivity to my family, I remember my child self clearly how much happiness I've brought to everyone and I am really doing my best
and I really feel guilty for writing these words down as it doesn't reflect my true self, who I really am.
I wanted and still want to invent things for the betterment of Earth and I still hold my notes close to my heart as I know they work. I get so much resistance to achieve my goels and I know they are at almost arms reach. I keep failing to change. They keep me failing to change. I want to break my habits. I want to be my best self, I want to break free. My heart is in the right place. So this is the dilemma.
There better be a good reason for this life contract. I walkad a razors edge my whole life and I am surprised I have so much to drive me forward still.
At this point all I want is death or extraction from the vicious circle. I keep being brought down to these bad freuencies. Everyone around me is here to suck me empty of my good feelings and good will.
So here to all the Taygetan crew: I failed you.
I have no idea what I am wishing to receive here other than some kind words. Maybe someone who remembers some past lives?
Generally you all are very positive and have a good view on things.
Edit: Whoever reads this in a similar feeling: I feel you. You are not alone.

I am sorry you are suffering so. I cannot do much to help, but will share some thoughts. First get away from the drugs. Also videogames. Focus on you and be in the moment. Correct negative thought cycles. Sometimes just start asking yourself questions. Just gently correct yourself. You are not your thoughts. Go outside in nature, as much as possible. Positive music can really change the space. Meditation. Try to take care of your health, as much as possible. Also see if you can improve the energy where you sleep. We are facing amazing darkness right now. It is unspeakable. Journaling can help. All things pass.

Mari's number 2 was great.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P … v0hAaIy81S

Oh and 2 things. Go be curious about something. Laugh at the situation. See the humor. Honestly, sometimes things are so F*d up it's a cartoon. I said earlier that I can't believe the best the Cabal could come up with is a bad B movie plot!

Last edited by Horton HaW (2023-08-13 20:23:49)

akos996 · 2023-08-13 20:33:50

Horton HaW wrote:

akos996 wrote:
Beware that these words are negative as I am feeling very depressed at the moment.
If you don't want to be affected then just ignore.
Things are really laying in pieces in my life at the moment.
I do have my happy times with joy and all but today I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything that surrounds me except some of my hopes.
I have no friends and have a close family that mostly brings distress in my life. My mom is beyong help, my brother is a narcissist druggie who smokes weed all day and cannot behave when drunk.
My sister left the household because of the abuse and doesn't even see that I am suffering here as I am positive around everyone. I told her yesterday and she said I do not get it.
My mom has been the worst nightmare as she has been working hard since my birth to completely destroy the family and now after everything is dysfunctinal she just turned into a depressed drunkard/smoker bringing me down every time I interact with her, in the delusion that my father caused all this meanwhile she spend all our savings on tobacco and beer which boils my blood as he is a saint and never did anything wrong. She just keeps commanding, demanding and so on.
My mom was completely posessed by demons and I openly told my father what we are dealing with and surprisingly the acts of aggressions slowly started to fade from her.
The feedback of negative experiences is getting overwhelming and the repetition of the same things over and over again is really exhausting.
Even this weekend started like "let me enjoy these two days in piece and quiet" then my mom of course starts
drinking, falls and breaks the kettle I bought with my father 2 weeks ago in good faith so my mom could make tea easier. Yet another day of misery reminding me of this crap.
I am trying to help myself and my brother keeps asking me to play the stress and adrenaline rush causing battle royale game, asks me to play XYZ games and I cannot admit that I have no wish to dedicate more time to videogames anymore... He asks me to watch movies/series with him which would is fine but he keeps smoking weed which I passively inhale causing me to go into a numb / low state that I do not enjoy.
There are also the personal problems that I've been struggling with for more than a decade and causes me a great deal of shame and puts a stick in the cogwheels of my sexuality. Now I do not enjoy that either as others could.
Also I was inocculated at my mothers wish even though I knew about the things involved with the "C19" and the graphene etc... I chose Synopharm as it had no known side effects but the fear still lingers that I sealed my fate there...
I have zero care about my work and keep doing the least in the hope that I'll get fired and surprisingly nothing happened.
I keep asking myself if I really should try and go on or just put an end to my suffering. I want to break my contracts and not go back to repeat them again and again. This is not living. This is too much. Being bipolar is absolutely not fun.
I've been giving all my energy away every day in the hope that my mom at least has a positive turn but I am left drained completely with no change in sight.
I've heard before from Dolores Cannon that it is not worth quitting as I would have to repeat the same deal maybe even harder than before.
This is so unfair. I have fought so hard to bring positivity to my family, I remember my child self clearly how much happiness I've brought to everyone and I am really doing my best
and I really feel guilty for writing these words down as it doesn't reflect my true self, who I really am.
I wanted and still want to invent things for the betterment of Earth and I still hold my notes close to my heart as I know they work. I get so much resistance to achieve my goels and I know they are at almost arms reach. I keep failing to change. They keep me failing to change. I want to break my habits. I want to be my best self, I want to break free. My heart is in the right place. So this is the dilemma.
There better be a good reason for this life contract. I walkad a razors edge my whole life and I am surprised I have so much to drive me forward still.
At this point all I want is death or extraction from the vicious circle. I keep being brought down to these bad freuencies. Everyone around me is here to suck me empty of my good feelings and good will.
So here to all the Taygetan crew: I failed you.
I have no idea what I am wishing to receive here other than some kind words. Maybe someone who remembers some past lives?
Generally you all are very positive and have a good view on things.
Edit: Whoever reads this in a similar feeling: I feel you. You are not alone.
I am sorry you are suffering so. I cannot do much to help, but will share some thoughts. First get away from the drugs. Also videogames. Focus on you and be in the moment. Correct negative thought cycles. Sometimes just start asking yourself questions. Just gently correct yourself. You are not your thoughts. Go outside in nature, as much as possible. Positive music can really change the space. Meditation. Try to take care of your health, as much as possible. Also see if you can improve the energy where you sleep. We are facing amazing darkness right now. It is unspeakable. Journaling can help. All things pass.
Mari's number 2 was great.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P … v0hAaIy81S

We are passing through a solar maximum. A lot of archonic stuff and I sense bad things going on close and just in general. I hope it's just cosmic and we all fight through the hard times. I have a lot of lessons to learn but I really wish to have an easy exit but it sucks being stuck between hardship and starting over. If I really want to see the good side I can see all the road I already went through and how much I've changed.
I want to apply it to the rest of my hurt self that was kept neglected. And my mom... I cannot tell the future but I do not have good feeling about it. Sure I can say its my labels making her bad she is not by herself and I feel deep sadness for her.

The interesting thing I've found high dose niacin (B3) is excellent at treating depression and alcoholic urges (research Abram Hoffer: The adrenochrome hypothesis and psychiatry http://orthomolecular.org/library/jom/1 … 049.shtml)
but I am afraid to tell it thinking I would be shunned for being stupid or imposing things. I really want to help.
I feel so guilty for holding possible solutions and not saying it may help. She is in need. What the hell is wrong with me??? I could make a whole topic just about adtenochrome, that it is the source of all mental illnesses. But I can say Abram Hoffer. He got me out of a bad spot.

And yes sometimes I laugh it away like some cosmic joke. It does work. I will try to use these tools

Thank you soo much. I will survive everything. These feeling of falling are the worst because you never know how far it goes. At the bottom it's always up and I did have that turning point tonight. Now I understand those people laying on nail beds. The balance is key. Ileft things affect me and drag me. As marii explained if they cannot get you they will find someone close to you to bring you down. Yep.

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-13 20:46:57)

Horton HaW · 2023-08-13 20:45:40

akos996 wrote:

Horton HaW wrote:
akos996 wrote:
Beware that these words are negative as I am feeling very depressed at the moment.
If you don't want to be affected then just ignore.
Things are really laying in pieces in my life at the moment.
I do have my happy times with joy and all but today I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything that surrounds me except some of my hopes.
I have no friends and have a close family that mostly brings distress in my life. My mom is beyong help, my brother is a narcissist druggie who smokes weed all day and cannot behave when drunk.
My sister left the household because of the abuse and doesn't even see that I am suffering here as I am positive around everyone. I told her yesterday and she said I do not get it.
My mom has been the worst nightmare as she has been working hard since my birth to completely destroy the family and now after everything is dysfunctinal she just turned into a depressed drunkard/smoker bringing me down every time I interact with her, in the delusion that my father caused all this meanwhile she spend all our savings on tobacco and beer which boils my blood as he is a saint and never did anything wrong. She just keeps commanding, demanding and so on.
My mom was completely posessed by demons and I openly told my father what we are dealing with and surprisingly the acts of aggressions slowly started to fade from her.
The feedback of negative experiences is getting overwhelming and the repetition of the same things over and over again is really exhausting.
Even this weekend started like "let me enjoy these two days in piece and quiet" then my mom of course starts
drinking, falls and breaks the kettle I bought with my father 2 weeks ago in good faith so my mom could make tea easier. Yet another day of misery reminding me of this crap.
I am trying to help myself and my brother keeps asking me to play the stress and adrenaline rush causing battle royale game, asks me to play XYZ games and I cannot admit that I have no wish to dedicate more time to videogames anymore... He asks me to watch movies/series with him which would is fine but he keeps smoking weed which I passively inhale causing me to go into a numb / low state that I do not enjoy.
There are also the personal problems that I've been struggling with for more than a decade and causes me a great deal of shame and puts a stick in the cogwheels of my sexuality. Now I do not enjoy that either as others could.
Also I was inocculated at my mothers wish even though I knew about the things involved with the "C19" and the graphene etc... I chose Synopharm as it had no known side effects but the fear still lingers that I sealed my fate there...
I have zero care about my work and keep doing the least in the hope that I'll get fired and surprisingly nothing happened.
I keep asking myself if I really should try and go on or just put an end to my suffering. I want to break my contracts and not go back to repeat them again and again. This is not living. This is too much. Being bipolar is absolutely not fun.
I've been giving all my energy away every day in the hope that my mom at least has a positive turn but I am left drained completely with no change in sight.
I've heard before from Dolores Cannon that it is not worth quitting as I would have to repeat the same deal maybe even harder than before.
This is so unfair. I have fought so hard to bring positivity to my family, I remember my child self clearly how much happiness I've brought to everyone and I am really doing my best
and I really feel guilty for writing these words down as it doesn't reflect my true self, who I really am.
I wanted and still want to invent things for the betterment of Earth and I still hold my notes close to my heart as I know they work. I get so much resistance to achieve my goels and I know they are at almost arms reach. I keep failing to change. They keep me failing to change. I want to break my habits. I want to be my best self, I want to break free. My heart is in the right place. So this is the dilemma.
There better be a good reason for this life contract. I walkad a razors edge my whole life and I am surprised I have so much to drive me forward still.
At this point all I want is death or extraction from the vicious circle. I keep being brought down to these bad freuencies. Everyone around me is here to suck me empty of my good feelings and good will.
So here to all the Taygetan crew: I failed you.
I have no idea what I am wishing to receive here other than some kind words. Maybe someone who remembers some past lives?
Generally you all are very positive and have a good view on things.
Edit: Whoever reads this in a similar feeling: I feel you. You are not alone.
I am sorry you are suffering so. I cannot do much to help, but will share some thoughts. First get away from the drugs. Also videogames. Focus on you and be in the moment. Correct negative thought cycles. Sometimes just start asking yourself questions. Just gently correct yourself. You are not your thoughts. Go outside in nature, as much as possible. Positive music can really change the space. Meditation. Try to take care of your health, as much as possible. Also see if you can improve the energy where you sleep. We are facing amazing darkness right now. It is unspeakable. Journaling can help. All things pass.
Mari's number 2 was great.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P … v0hAaIy81S
We are passing through a solar maximum. A lot of archonic stuff and I sense bad things going on close and just in general. I hope it's just cosmic and we all fight through the hard times. I have a lot of lessons to learn but I really wish to have an easy exit but it sucks being stuck between hardship and starting over. If I really want to see the good side I can see all the road I already went through and how much I've changed.
I want to apply it to the rest of my hurt self that was kept neglected. And my mom... I cannot tell the future but I do not have good feeling about it. Sure I can say its my labels making her bad she is not by herself and I feel deep sadness for her.

The interesting thing I've found high dose niacin (B3) is excellent at treating depression and alcoholic urges (research Abram Hoffer: The adrenochrome hypothesis and psychiatry http://orthomolecular.org/library/jom/1 … 049.shtml)
but I am afraid to tell it thinking I would be shunned for being stupid or imposing things. I really want to help.
I feel so guilty for holding possible solutions and not saying it may help. She is in need. What the hell is wrong with me???

I think B vits are good to take in a complex. They really do help and magnesium. However, attachments/possessions are far more common than people realize. You could just buy some or mention an article you read. Ultimately, it is hard to share space, so make your own as best you can. Drugs and alcohol have been around damaging people for awhile, but now they are adding hideous things. When someone is hijacked by their biology this can feel like a death for the people around them.

Bigfeet_E · 2023-08-13 21:04:11

If you have work, you have an income and that can be your ticket out of the house/toxic family.
That would be step 1 towards creating a safe environment that holds the space to come to some balance.
Then the real work begins of taking that self responsability in to a self empowering cycle.

You call yourself bipolar, wich means the pendulum swings uncontrollably to both ends.
It is a symptom, not a cause. So reach deep and get a handle back on it, on your self.
Find the balance by practising discipline, knowing where your bounderies are and expand or increase where necessary.

See that you can re-define what needs to be so in the moment. Energy flows where attention goes.
Now it is about you first (!) , reframe from this oversensitivity as it does not help at this point.
Doors that are too open can be as detrimental as doors too closed, respectively seen in the moment.

E-motion (Energy Motion) is a great tool for the total dynamic package, but don't let it rule you.
That again is not balance. It is a principle of drive and you are at the helm. Realise to re-align with the center.
I don't know what age you are, but i wish you well. Be brave, be honest, be humble, be the eye of the storm.

My best, believe in yourself in that wich you haven't dis-covered as of yet.

Jupiter 9 · 2023-08-13 21:08:29

(Edit: Similar to what BigFeet says above) Since you mentioned you have a job, have you considered getting your own place? You should trust your own intuition and gut about this but I don't know, it sounds like maybe having some physical distance would help. And then maybe focus on working mainly on yourself for now and on creating healthier boundaries with them. And when you feel you are strong enough and you feel you are ready, then see if you can do something to help them that doesn't involve sacrificing your own happiness and health. As I said you should trust your own intuition and feelings about this and I am just throwing some ideas.

And do not be afraid of your difficult moments and your dark nights of the soul, have faith that the Universe or your Higher Self will not throw at you anything that you can't handle. And have faith that you are perfectly capable of facing this and dealing with this successfully.

And I also highly recommend you browse Teal's videos and find some that may catch your attention and are relevant to you personally, she is an excellent resource with tons of straight to the point videos and guidance about any type of personal issues. In my opinion she is very complementary to the T&S videos because what she focuses on the crew doesn't focus on that much, and what the crew focuses on Teal doesn't focus on that much, they are a very good combo. Similar to Ivy I tend to mention Teal quite a few times but I am not doing it to promote her, I am mentioning her and some of her videos when it comes up organically, because the crew usually doesn't share a lot of detailed info about how to deal with specific personal issues.

You can also browse this playlist of videos from her Synchronization Workshops, they are long but see if any title or video catches your attention. These can be easier to absorb than her videos sometimes because she is interacting with people on stage. And I think it will be very helpful if you find a person on stage with similar issues with you in that list.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P … aOsiUihEgL

Hang in there Akos, and "Don't you dare back off now in the thick of the fight" haha This place can be very challenging and it really really sucks when you're going through the darkest moments but remember Mari's motivational videos, it doesn't mean you have failed or are failing, it's just that this place is at a "nightmare" difficulty and it's a place for advanced Katras/Souls, so it is going to challenge you.

https://forum.swaruu.org/viewtopic.php?pid=36493#p36493

<3

Last edited by Jupiter 9 (2023-08-13 21:15:21)

Horton HaW · 2023-08-13 21:56:35

Also, find something creative and tactile to do. Can be very simple, like drawing, braiding or silly things like making refrigerator magnets. Could just be a cleaning project. Go do something constructive. Maybe experiment with making orgone objects. That's creative, tactile and would help you and others energetically. Also helping others will help you.

This guy's channel is interesting. Here is one of his vids on orgone.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E_SR0rj-02c

Last edited by Horton HaW (2023-08-13 22:12:37)

akos996 · 2023-08-13 22:13:01

As usual, excellent advise. I will take my work seriously so I can slowly get my own apartment away from my old living place I do have a lot of memories there and not just bad ones.

Yeah I'm subbed to Teal Swan already. It's very good stuff day to day. I appreciate it Ivy_of_Erra I know you like to recommend her here, I remember my other post about love also came to that and it really gave me a good grip on things. I cannot express how much I love you all and how awful it is for me to poison such a great community with my negativity. I do feel I am important here and I do not mean it in a narcissistic way but that we all are in our own way. We have missions. And I do not want to end up wasting my potential.
I love you all so much you cannot imagine. <3
This community has kept me alive through these dark nights.
Next time I go through things like this or about to:
1: keep my vibration separate to recharge, do not get involved otherwise I will get sucked down with it.
2: give as much attention to myself also where I fail to change. I am aware of some at least so that's already something
3: take down all drugs. for me it's daily tobacco but I will keep this low on my list as it really keeps me relaxed in a bad situation.(seek alternatives at least: conscious breathing therapy, meditation on this, where the anxiety comes from)
4: hobbies, hobbies, hobbies. Work on my mission and don't be afraid to fail at first.
5: cuddle the cat
6: do something about the bipolar stuff
7: keep healthy distance, don't give too much energ/attention (probably helps nr6 immensely) even if it means moving away phisically. Probably repeat of nr1.
8. ???
9. Happy?

And do not be afraid of your difficult moments and your dark nights of the soul, have faith that the Universe or your Higher Self will not throw at you anything that you can't handle. And have faith that you are perfectly capable of facing this and dealing with this successfully.

akos996 · 2023-08-13 22:18:32

Horton HaW wrote:

Also, find something creative and tactile to do. Can be very simple, like drawing, braiding or silly things like making refrigerator magnets. Could just be a cleaning project. Go do something constructive. Maybe experiment with making orgone objects. That's creative, tactile and would help you and others energetically. Also helping others will help you.
This guy's channel is interesting. Here is one of his vids on orgone.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E_SR0rj-02c

Does orgone really heal? I am familiar with Willhelm Reichs worksthe cloudbusters and stuff but it is hard to say if the replication work. Man I will look like a nutjob at home for doing this but yes I will
Daily I enjoy working on high frequency circuits, creating some waves, enjoying simple things like making an oscillator work or fixing things around the house tha tbother me. Reading about science papers all day and so on. It's so relaxing. And I wanna do so much more. I want to learn glass blowing for my next and most important science project.

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-13 22:20:26)

Horton HaW · 2023-08-13 22:19:25

Having a bad day and talking about it is not poisoning. Just move on. I would try to quit tobacco eventually. Normal health reasons, of course, but those nanotech patents list nicotine as a medium. They love to prey on addiction and dopamine.

akos996 · 2023-08-13 22:26:35

Horton HaW wrote:

Having a bad day and talking about it is not poisoning. Just move on. I would try to quit tobacco eventually. Normal health reasons, of course, but those nanotech patents list nicotine as a medium. They love to prey on addiction and dopamine.

Oh god not the graphene stuff again... Can't we just enjoy some stress relief without some extra?
Don't even me tion dopamine. It is BAD. Current world revolves around it. It creates feedback loops and the worst addictive behaviors. It's the very definition of the "insanity molecule" other than adrenochrome. Makes me and a lot of other content and docile. I want to create my new gas electron discharge tube but wait a new video just dropped! (Then it goes into binge watching more things) "Nah whatever maybe tomorrow." is the motto. I have to do a serious deprivation of all the easy dopamine pathways like things on my phone, games, etc...

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-13 22:28:58)

Horton HaW · 2023-08-13 22:27:32

akos996 wrote:

Horton HaW wrote:
Also, find something creative and tactile to do. Can be very simple, like drawing, braiding or silly things like making refrigerator magnets. Could just be a cleaning project. Go do something constructive. Maybe experiment with making orgone objects. That's creative, tactile and would help you and others energetically. Also helping others will help you.
This guy's channel is interesting. Here is one of his vids on orgone.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E_SR0rj-02c
Does orgone really heal? I am familiar with Willhelm Reichs worksthe cloudbusters and stuff but it is hard to say if the replication work. Man I will look like a nutjob at home for doing this but yes I will
Daily I enjoy working on high frequency circuits, creating some waves, enjoying simple things like making an oscillator work or fixing things around the house tha tbother me. Reading about science papers all day and so on. It's so relaxing. And I wanna do so much more. I want to learn glass blowing for my next and most important science project.

There is data to back this. Crystals/rocks are great. Can be used to create better energy and EMF protection. I think orgone works if made correctly. Try experimenting. Tell them you are making paper weights with recyclables. The objects can be quite beautiful. People sell them on amazon and ebay. Pyramids are also amazing. Russians have alot of info on this.

See you already have an interest. Glass blowing is something I always wanted to try also. You should try it, if you want. Let us know how it goes.

Last edited by Horton HaW (2023-08-13 22:30:34)

akos996 · 2023-08-13 22:31:41

Horton HaW wrote:

akos996 wrote:
Horton HaW wrote:
Also, find something creative and tactile to do. Can be very simple, like drawing, braiding or silly things like making refrigerator magnets. Could just be a cleaning project. Go do something constructive. Maybe experiment with making orgone objects. That's creative, tactile and would help you and others energetically. Also helping others will help you.
This guy's channel is interesting. Here is one of his vids on orgone.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E_SR0rj-02c
Does orgone really heal? I am familiar with Willhelm Reichs worksthe cloudbusters and stuff but it is hard to say if the replication work. Man I will look like a nutjob at home for doing this but yes I will
Daily I enjoy working on high frequency circuits, creating some waves, enjoying simple things like making an oscillator work or fixing things around the house tha tbother me. Reading about science papers all day and so on. It's so relaxing. And I wanna do so much more. I want to learn glass blowing for my next and most important science project.
There is data to back this. Crystals/rocks are great. Can be used to create better energy and EMF protection. I think orgone works if made correctly. Try experimenting. Tell them you are making paper weights with recyclables. The objects can be quite beautiful. People sell them on amazon and ebay. Pyramids are also amazing. Russians have alot of info on this.

Russians have always been way ahead of EM research. Even BBC admitted when they aired the documentary about controlling human emotions through electric waves on video and demonstrated sending pictures through low frequency waves. There's also alternative science about new theories on gravity electromagnetism and so on. Its amazing. A new world I found years ago.

Last edited by akos996 (2023-08-13 22:36:15)

Horton HaW · 2023-08-13 22:46:52

Have you studied cymatics? Might find something there.

CYMATICS: Science Vs. Music - Nigel Stanford
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3oItpVa9fs

Tecumseh · 2023-08-14 03:00:25

akos996!

Many of the people I love here have already said the things that are the most important.

Don't have much to add, except that I identify with your remarks and am in the same boat at present. I feel ya! Even the bipolar, my given number by the quacks is 3. They have 1, 2 & 3 for those that don't know.

Also if you are sensitive, you may be empathic and pick up emotions and thoughts from people around you. Try to identify what is yours and shelve the rest as not yours.

I tell my daughter, who lives in much the same situation as you, that your experience in that household is showing you how NOT to be. It is teaching you something. What it teaches you is up you and no one else. It is fortifying your own personal belief system.

Hang in there and try and take care of yourself. I'm not doing all that well on that front myself.

We love you and want you to stick around!

Bigfeet_E · 2023-08-14 03:20:11

Here is an exercise that might help strenghtening yourself along the way.
Go at it to the best of your ability, improve at your own pace.
Do the breathwork along with the movements and enjoy the fruits it yields.

https://youtu.be/UpN3AcXLSSk

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